“Nothing is as frustrating as arguing with someone who knows what he's talking about.” Sam Ewing

Basic lessons of Arguing

1. We do not have to agree with our opponent opinions. There is nothing bad with disagreeing. We can disagree, but we do not need to state it. If not appropriate to the situations, we better not say that, but we neither lie by falsesly stating that we agree even in fact we didn't What's perhaps most appropriate to do is to ask further questions to somebody's statement, or say things like that we are not much into that stuff. However, if the other party insists, then you could simply say that you rather wouldn't enter that subject at the time. Otherwise, you should be ready to go on with arguing.

2. But we have to respect the opinions of other people. Respecting somebody's else opinion is a beneficial thing to ourselves foremost. This would show the other party that we respect our opinions. And this would be beyond any doubt. Once we put ourselves on that ground, we have excellent position to defend our standpoint. Also, this would leave us a room for possible backing off, in case we are wrong. But, firing right away the statement like "that is a nonsense!" would put us on the very unstable ground, and in the situtation to look stupid in case if the other party's statement is proven not to be a nonsense.

3. Do not confuse opinion(s) with person(s)! NEVER! This is a very important one. Just because many people confuse the two and because this occurs too often. Once we are in default of this one, there would be really really tough way to get out of this sort of argument. If someone disagrees with our opinions that doesn't mean that they're doing attack on our person. My understanding is that everyone has right to be wrong. So does the other party. In other words: everybody's right unless proven otherwise.

4. If somebody disagrees with you, do not take it personally. It is only a matter of opinions not the persons. In order to learn this one, I would ask question to myself: do I have right to disagree with other people's opinions? Then I MUST assume the same right for others. If I am in default with this one, then I have no choice but to surrender my stance and thus lose the argument.
   
    

5. Argue opinions not the person. Here is a tip that helps me to resolve the issues when other party is wrong. When I spot other party's being wrong, that gives me more confidence and reason to remain calm. This is because I realised that I have read my opponent (the most difficult thing to do), and all I have to do is to prove they're wrong. So, I see no reasons to heat up myself in this kind of situation. In case when other party is really aiming at our personality, then we should pull out of further talks with them. Arguing won't help here.

6. Do NOT argue with your emotions on. This one is also very important, since many of them out there fell short with it. With our emotions on, we cannot think clearly, not even to express ourselves on proper and concise way, so losing argument here is more than likely. So, please, detect your emotional feeling early on time, and cut it out right away. How to deal with emotions, please refer to Advanced Lessons.

7. Be polite and have a facial expression that follows. Being polite works in your favour only. You'll easier keep your emotions under control and this will help you remain on the higher level of argument. You will also show to the other party that you have excellent selfcontrol, which would make them to give up cheap tricks or believeing to be able to take advantage of your weaknesses.

8. Do not swear or use of abusing words. You'll need this to be able to keep verbal distance from your opponent and to easier keep your emotions under control. Being in default of this one would violate the rule #2. Just one thing to add here is that swearing or being rude won't prove anything in your favour. On contrary, that is the best sign of mental weakness. So, do yourself a favour and stay away from this very slippery ground.

9. Avoid using "irony" or "sarcasm" during the arguing. Irony or sarcasm are the "tools" that a lot of people use to drive other party nuts. In fact, they try to provoke emotions to their opponent and thus put them on the slippery ground where they are most likely to surrender. However, even though it might look effective, this strategy works as a counter-attack to the executor. Use of irony and sarcasm provokes negative feelings with the "shooter", and then that party is immediatelly in bad position to defend what they want.

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If you want to learn more,  please go to Advanced Lessons of arguing.

You don't want to argue, and looking for advices how to avoid arguing? Sure, we have "How to avoid the arguing" lessons for you.

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